


Follow the Stars

by hannahindie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Birds, Character Death, F/M, Reader Insert, Sam Winchester - Freeform, Supernatural - Freeform, cas x reader, spn fanfic, supernatural fanfiction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 08:35:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17019333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahindie/pseuds/hannahindie
Summary: Cas is gone, and the reader keeps finding reminders of the angel she’s fallen in love with. Unsure of the future, Sam tries to reassure her that death isn’t always forever.





	Follow the Stars

I looked down at the creature nestled in my hands, it’s small body a warm weight against my skin. Bright blue and indigo and turquoise feathers rustled in the wind, the black highlights catching the setting sun and gleaming. I sighed, realizing that before long, the warmth would be gone and that eventually I’d have to move from my spot and discard it. I wasn’t quite ready for that though, so I continued to sit, cradling it’s small head with my thumb as I stroked its wing.

Sometimes I came up to the roof to get away, and today wasn’t much different, aside from the bright flash of color I noticed near one of the walls. Distracted from the real reason I had come up here, I walked over to investigate and found the small bird, barely breathing and only one eye open.

It was still one of the most gorgeous things I’ve ever seen. Nothing was outwardly wrong with its appearance; in fact, if it hadn’t been laying on the ground, it would have looked perfect. My heart ached at the thought of it being alone, and before I realized what I was doing, I picked it up and its tiny black eye focused on me. I’d never given much thought about whether birds could feel fear; I’m sure in some capacity they do, and looking at it, I realized I couldn’t leave it. I settled onto the roof and began my watch, stroking its head and wings and telling it it would be okay. 

I knew it wasn’t going to be okay. Nothing ever is, so why would this be the exception? I watched as the even breaths became shorter and shorter, its tiny beak opening and closing and all the while, that small, black eye stayed locked with mine. Finally, with one stretch of its wing, its beak closed and it was over. It wasn’t bloody or violent, I’m not even sure it felt much of anything. If it felt fear, that was over. Just a gentle, final exhalation and it was done. To be honest, I was a little jealous. I know that none of our endings would be this easy, this quiet and dignified. No, Cas’ death proved that; expected and unexpected, bloody, cruel, and unfair.

My thoughts were interrupted by the pained creak of the roof door as it swung open, and I looked up to see Sam walking towards me.

“Hey, Y/N.”

“Hey.”

He stopped just short of where I was and looked down, “What is that?”

“It’s a bird,” I replied without looking up. The blue was distracting, bright and familiar, and I couldn’t stop staring at it.

“Ah…” He knelt next to me, and I was surprised when he reached out and gently smoothed its feathers with his thumb, “He’s beautiful.”

“Yea…he was.”

“Do you know what kind of bird this is?” I shook my head and he continued, “It’s an indigo bunting. I’m curious as to why it’s here, though, they’re native to the east coast, and further south into Texas and Mexico. We’re right on the edge of its migration path, I don’t think I’ve ever seen any around here.”

“How’d it get here?”

Sam shrugged, “Hard to tell. Maybe he just got a little lost, knocked off course. They usually migrate at night, they use the stars to navigate. I’ve always thought that was really cool.”

I nodded, “Yea…it is cool. How do you know it’s a ‘he’?”

Sam smoothed his thumb along the feathers again, gently tucked his fingertips under its wing, and lifted it so that the brilliant blue and turquoise feathers were on display.

“Male indigo buntings are usually blue with brown edges, so they look mostly brown because of the way the feathers lay. They turn this bright blue and indigo when it’s mating season. The females stay brown all the time.”

“Oh…” I ran a finger tip gently along the top of his head, still in awe at how soft his feathers were. “Sam?”

“Yea?”

“How do you know so much about indigo buntings?”

He laughed quietly, “Well, when you’re a kid on the road and don’t have much in the way of entertainment, you pay attention. I think we were driving through Ohio, and we stopped at this run down motel. Dad and Dean had gone out to investigate and I got left behind. It was summertime, so I didn’t have school, and I walked to the nearby park. There wasn’t much there, a couple of rusty swings and a slide, but there were a lot of trees so I walked around, hung out in the shade. I noticed one right on the edge of the woods, sitting in a small tree and surrounded by brush. It was beautiful, it stood out so much. I don’t know why, but it stuck with me and I had no idea what kind it was, so the next day I went to the library and looked it up in an old copy of _Audobon’s Birds of America_.” He gently shifted its wing back and sighed, “I haven’t seen one since, at least not until today. It’s a shame it was like this, though. I wish you could have seen it.”

“Yea, me too.” I stared down at the small bird, and the grief I had been holding back pulled in my chest, gouging away at the wall I had put up. All I could think about were bright blue eyes, deep and serious most of the time, but soft and gentle when we were alone, twinkling with a newfound understanding of life and love. “It isn’t fair, Sam.”

“I know.”

“I’m not talking about the bird.”

“I know you aren’t.” I heard him sigh, then felt a hand settle onto my shoulder, “He’ll be back, Y/N. He always comes back.”

The blue feathers blurred as the tears I had been fighting threatened to spill, “No, he isn’t, Sam. Lucifer stabbed him with an angel blade. His wings…” A sob escaped me, and Sam’s arm slipped around my shoulders. “He’s gone. All that’s left is a shadow on the sand and the broken human he left behind.” My fingers curled around the bird, its feathers still soft but the body cool to the touch, and I let the tears fall. “How is he supposed to find his way back when there’s nothing left?”

Sam pulled me into his side and rested his chin on my head, “The thing with indigo buntings is, they’re wonderful at navigating. As long as they can see the sky, they’re perfect navigators, better than any sailor. But when you take them away, they become disoriented, and they lose their way. Cas just lost his view of the stars and it’s taking him awhile to find his way home.”

“How? We don’t even know where he is.”

“No, we don’t…but he doesn’t need the sky, Y/N. All he needs is you, and he’s got that with him.”

I looked up at Sam and he gave me a soft, lopsided smile, enough to show one of his dimples, and the tightness in my chest eased up a little. “You really think that’s true?”

“I do. Now-” he stood up and offered me his hand- “let’s find a nice spot to put that little guy to rest. I hear Netflix calling our names, and it can be anything you want.”

I accepted his hand, still cradling the small bird to my chest with my other hand, “Really? Anything?”

He nodded, “Scout’s honor. Won’t even complain.”

“You were never a scout, but I’ll take it,” I laughed as we crossed the roof.

I stopped as we got to the door and looked up at the sky. The stars were coming out, one by one sparkling in the quickly darkening vastness, and I closed my eyes. _Come back to me, Castiel_ , I thought, a silent prayer in case he was able to hear me, _come back to your star_. I opened my eyes in time to see a shooting star zip across the sky, so fast I nearly missed it. Sam had already disappeared down the stairs, but I knew what I’d seen. I looked down at the beautiful creature in my hand, then back up into the cloudless night, and I knew that my sweet bird would find his way home.


End file.
